


From The Ashes

by Riocat01



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Braime - Fandom, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Evenfall Hall (ASoIaF), F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-12-14 02:56:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21008570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riocat01/pseuds/Riocat01
Summary: Jaime Lannister has survived the collapse of the Red Keep, and has realized the grave mistake he made in leaving his true love, Brienne of Tarth. He is determined to recover from his injuries and win her back. His hopes are soon dashed when he learns that Brienne has resigned her post as the Lord Commander of King Bran’s Kingsguard, has left King’s Landing, and has disappeared. Can Jaime find her again, and what will happen if he does?





	1. Chapter 1

He rode slowly, purposefully, his horse's steps sinking softly into the sand. The sapphire blue water lapped at the beach along which he trod. The rider had traveled a great distance, and now his journey was nearing an end. He had wished for this moment since he had left her, and had regretted the choice he had made with all of his soul. Part of him thrilled at the thought of finally reaching his destination. The rest of him dreaded what he might find. Whatever reception he was to receive, he could not even dare guess.

The sea air blew the dark cloak the rider wore around him as he drew his steed to a pause, making him seem almost a shadow. 'Fitting' the man thought. He had been living as a specter for nearly a year. He inhaled the freshness blown in by the ocean waves and tried to calm his racing heart. Another gust drew the cloak away from the leather reigns the shadow-rider held, exposing a hand of gold that glinted in the sun and nearly blinded him. Jaime Lannister closed his eyes against the glare and tried to pray that he would find her at last. It had been nearly three moons shy of an entire year since they had shared their passion. Since he had known what it was like to love and be truly loved. Then he had left her crying alone in the night. If it took a lifetime of atonement, he would find a way to win her back. Centering himself, and gathering all the courage he still hoped he had, Jaime gently spurred his horse to continue the path he steered, as Evenfall Hall loomed ahead of him.  
———————————————————  
The darkness began to lift. He could not tell for sure if he was dead, or where it was that he lay. The first thing that told Jaime that he was alive was Tyrion's face hovering on the edge of his awareness. Surely, nothing, not even dragonfire could kill his little brother. He was the most tenacious of souls Jaime had ever known. The next signal that he was still among the living was the intense searing pain that shot through every part of his body. Not even losing his hand had been as agonizing. Slowly reality had sunken in on him. The destruction of Kings Landing. The collapse of the Keep, Cersei, and Brienne. He had awaken to find himself a shattered man. His body was a broken shell of what it had been. His mind was plagued with the choice he had made, and his heart was a gaping hole in his chest. It seemed that every cell in his body screamed the name of his true love.

"Brienne!" Echoed in his head. It was his own heart screaming out for her.

When realization finally set in, Jamie begged his brother to recount everything that had passed while he had laid unconscious. With tears in his eyes, Tyrion told Jamie how he had found him lying in the bowels of the Red Keep holding Cersei in the fallen debris. Tyrion had thought both were dead, and he had cried to the gods for taking his brother, the only person who had ever shown him real love. Then Jaime moved. Tyrion had covered Jaime's golden hand so that not a soul knew of his existence, and had procured help to take him to what remained of Lord Varys's home. He was certain no one would come searching around there. He found discreet Maesters and servants to see to his brother's numerous injuries, and attend him during his recovery.

It had taken months for Jaime simply to walk again. The journey had been arduous and painful. The former Kingslayer had many long and endless moments in which to be alone with his thoughts. He mourned Cersei, but as his sister, not as his lover. That title belonged now to another, even if she would never agree to see him again. He searched his soul for whatever good he could find there, trying to be worthy of the Lady Knight he had wronged. Jaime had truly felt that leaving Brienne had been the the right thing to do. He wanted to protect her from the monster he was deep inside himself. He knew he did not deserve her. He had to protect Brienne from the beast who would certainly take her life, his sister. Cersei would have found great pleasure in torturing and killing Brienne once she realized where Jaime's heart now lay. Jaime had no doubt that Cersei would be able to tell his feelings had changed. His touch, his kiss, even the tone of his voice when he spoke to her no longer held the love or obsession they once had. He needed to protect Brienne from Cersei's wrath. It was only now as he lay near death, and in unimaginable pain that he realized how that night must have seemed to Brienne. The emotional torment of knowing how he had hurt her was far worse than anything his body endured. He hated himself. He had been a fool.

Jaime's determination to reach full health again never waivered. Although his brother assured him that the entire realm believed him dead, Jaime made Tyrion swear he would not reveal his presence in Kings Landing to anyone. He wanted to be completely healed when he presented himself at Brienne’s feet. He did not want to gain back her love out of pity. He vowed he would win back the woman he hurt so despicably and loved so deeply. Brienne was constant in his thoughts. She was his strength.

"I don't understand." Tyrion said one evening as he entered Jaime's room. He carried a tray with two bowls of stew and a service of wine. "If you love Brienne so much, why did you leave her?" He questioned his brother. " Why did you return to Cersei?"

Jaime had been asking himself that same question for months. The choice that had seemed so obvious to him then, now troubled his every thought. There had been such an urgency to it at the time. Now, he wished with all his heart there would have been another way.

"Tyrion." Jamie studied his brother. "You know why." He acknowledged. "I had to protect Brienne."

Tyrion held a sip of wine in his mouth for a long moment, pondering the truth in Jamie's statement before finally swallowing hard and confirming his brother's fears. "Cersei would have killed her."

Jaime lowered his eyes and nodded in dreadful agreement. "She would have tortured her." His voice cracked at the thought. "She would have been able to tell the difference in me. She would have known that I no longer belonged to her. She would have heard it in my tone, felt it in my touch, seen it in my eyes." He stared far away in a memory.

"She realized that Brienne and I had feelings for one another at the Dragon Pit. We had not even acknowledge it to ourselves then." Jaime continued. "She had been suspicious long before, at Joffrey's wedding." He remembered how he had watched Cersei talking with Brienne from across the crowd, and been fearful of her reaction even then. Perhaps that was why he had held Brienne at such a distance for so long. When he realized that he had fallen in love with her, Jaime could not bare to think of what his sister would do if she ever discovered his heart was bound to another.

"Did you tell any of this to Brienne?" Tyrion asked. "She's the strongest woman in the Seven Kingdoms. She can take care of herself. Surely she would have understood."

"No." Jaime said, humiliated. "I could not. I was ashamed."

"So Brienne thinks you just left her?" Tyrion stared at him accusingly. Even he would have been more tactful at making his exit.

"That wasn't the plan." Jaime shot back. "I had every intention of returning. I knew that hurting Brienne’s was the only to ensure she did not follow me.” Jaime admitted painfully. “So I broke her heart. I made her hate me.” He explained, in a cold regretful tone. “I was going to fix everything."

Tyrion eyed him in confusion. "How?" He questioned.

Jaime grew even more serious and glum than before. His voice was nearly a whisper as he detailed his plan. "I did not return to Kings Landing to reunite with Cersei." He looked at Tyrion mournfully for a long moment, hoping he would not loose his brother's respect. "I came here to kill her." He confessed. “Even though she carried my child, and I knew it was evil, it was the only way I could guarantee that Brienne would be safe." Jaime lamented. He had tried not think of the innocent babe Cersei carried. It would have been the only thing that stopped him from ripping out her tainted heart. 

Tyrion’s gaze fell. He studied the floor far to intently. “Jaime.” He began. “The Maesters examined Cersei’s body before they laid her upon the pyre.” He paused, and then took a deep breath to steady himself. “There was no child.” He said solemnly. “There had not been a babe in her womb. It was a lie.” At least Tyrion felt he could ease his brother’s mind about that. 

Jaime shuttered with rage. “I should have slit her throat.” He swore.

Tyrion was quiet, letting the depth of Jaime's words sink in. He knew Jaime was right, and deep inside he agreed. "But you didn't...kill her? You let yourself be trapped with her. Why? He inquired.

Jaime spoke slowly, trying to recall every lurid detail. "I was ambushed by Euron Greyjoy.” Jaime replied spitefully.

“The blade wound in your gut.” Tyrion voiced, rhetorically. Jaime nodded.

“I knew I was done for.” Jaime said ruefully, again feeling the torment of realizing he would not make it back to Brienne. The thought had afflicted him more painfully than any wound he suffered that day. “I knew my plan to return to the woman I loved was destroyed.” His eyes filled with bitter tears. "Still, I could not allow the day end with Cersei alive. Brienne's life depended on it. Brienne was all I could think of.” Jaime closed his eyes in agony at the thought of her, then continued. "I came up through the bowels of the Red Keep that day. I saw that the foundations of the castle were not going to last. I knew if I could just get Cersei down there, that Daenarys Targaryen and her dragon would take care of the rest. So I went along with Cersei's fantasy. I lied to her to lure her to the bottom levels." Jaime swallowed hard. "I kept her there until it all came crashing down upon both of us." He closed his eyes and exhaled in relief. “It was worth my life to know Brienne would be protected.” He gave a thankful smile. 

Tyrion caught his breath. "You sacrificed yourself for Brienne's safety." He was speechless.

"A small price to pay." Jaime smiled wistfully. He had succeeded. "I would do it all over again...for her." Jaime exclaimed.

"I knew that kind of love, once." Tyrion admitted.

"With Shae?" Jaime asked remembering Tyrion's pain when he spoke of her.

"Yes." Tyrion said sadly, then swept the memory away as quickly as it had formed. "I swear I will do whatever I can to see you once again in the arms of your lady love." Tyrion promised, happy that his brother had found real love with a good woman.

"Thank you." Jaime smiled, relieved. He was grateful that Tyrion understood. Jaime stared into the fire, allowing his thoughts to overtake him.

Tyrion sipped his wine studied his brother, determination rising in him to aid Jaime’s efforts to reunite with his love. “Brienne is here, in Kings Landing.” He announced, enjoying the surprised hope that washes over Jaime’s face. The elder Lannister could say nothing, he simply stared at Tyrion in disbelief. “She has been made the Lord Commander of King Bran's Kingsguard.” Tyrion informed his brother. 

Jaime swelled with pride. "She will be even better than I was." Jaime's said imagining her glory in the role.

Tyrion nodded at Jaime’s prediction. "She finished your page in The White Book." He announced, nonchalantly. He shrugged. “It is her duty as Lord Commander to keep the book.” Tyrion acknowledged. 

"I shutter to think what it says." Jamie snorted.

"Actually, it is quite complimentary." Tyrion reported before taking a bite of meat from his stew.

Jaime's expression grew thoughtful. "Really?” He asked, surprised.

"Yes." Tyrion acknowledged. "It talks of your exploits in the Whispering Wood. Of losing your hand, and of your Oath to Lady Catelyn." He continued. "It goes on to tell how you took Riverrun without bloodshed, and lured the Unsullied to Casterly Rock, and of how you took Highgarden. She has detailed your heroism in the Battle with The Dead at Winterfell.” Tyrion reported.

Jaime's smile returned to him. "She wrote of all of it?" He sighed.

"Yes." Tyrion told him. “It is quite clear that she has utmost respect for you." He wanted to give his brother hope. "One might even say that she still loves you very much."

"I hope so." Jaime’s gaze fell. If only he could will it to be true.

"It ended by saying that you died protecting your queen." Tyrion said coyly.

Jaime's face grew pained, thinking of how Brienne's heart must have broken at writing those words. "My Queen." Jamie scoffed.

"Yes. Died protecting your Queen." Tyrion repeated, and pretended to ponder the phrase. "Since you died trying to ensure that evil would never touch Brienne, then I suppose, in a way, you did."

"Yes. I hope Brienne will see it that way." Jaime lamented.

The brothers finished their dinner in silence.  
——————————————————————————————-  


Jaime's happiness upon hearing the news of Brienne’s naming to the Kingsguard was to be short lived. Several weeks later, Tyrion informed him that Brienne had given up her position, and had left Kings Landing. No one knew where she had gone. Worry and fear consumed Jamie. That was not like Brienne. Her honor was far too important to her to simply quit her post and walk away. Something must have been wrong.

"I have to get better, Tyrion." Jaime implored. "I have to find her."

"You are getting better, but it takes time. You cannot even stand. You will be healed, When you are ready." Tyrion comforted.

"Not soon enough." Jaime cursed. "I don't even know where she is. I need to get to Winterfell. Surely Queen Sansa will know where Brienne has gone." He tried to make himself believe she might even be there.

"Perhaps." Tyrion agreed. "But, you'll be no good to Brienne lying dead in a ditch somewhere." He chastised. "You must allow yourself to get stronger."

The moons of recovery that kept him from his search were the worst Jaime had ever known. He understood that Tyrion was of course right. Wherever Brienne may be, whatever had caused her departure, Jaime had to be able to walk through the Seven Hells themselves if that what she needed of him. He knew that was exactly what he would do to win her back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime finally finds Brienne. He also finds something he did not expect.

It had taken moons for Jaime to heal, close to another for him to reach Winterfell. He was forced to travel at the snail’s pace so as not to aggravate his injuries. He could not afford to lose anymore time. Tyrion had been certain his brother was rushing his travels, but Jaime could wait no longer. He set out for the North nearly as soon as he was able to walk again.

He stood solemnly in front of Queen Sansa and begged her for any news she might have of Brienne’s whereabouts. For anything The Queen in the North might know of why her one time protector had left her post. He hoped his travels North had not been in vain.

“I am sorry, Ser Jaime.” Sansa said regretfully. “I cannot say why Ser Brienne left Kings Landing. She did send word to me that she could no longer continue as my King brother’s Lord Commander.” She confirmed. “She also conveyed to me her reasons, and I agree with her decision. I swore my secrecy for her cause, and I will not break my oath to her. Just as she has never broken hers to me or my lady mother.”

Jaime took an urgent begging step closer to the Queen, and bent his knee. “Please, Your Grace.” He implored. “I beg you.”

Tyrion had told Jaime that he was not the only one who had survived Kings Landing. It seems The Hound, Sandor Clegane, had also lived through the encounter with his brother, and had survived a harrowing fall from the Red Keep tower. While The Mountain has been impaled on a huge steel spike in the descent, Sandor had fallen through the flames into one of the underground tunnels that traversed the city. The tunnel had been filled with water from the sea which had broken his fall. Clegane had returned North to serve as Queen Sansa’s Sworn Shield. Sandor Clegane still wore the unfortunate scars of his battle. Jaime noticed how the man stood at the alert much closer to the Queen than most guards stood at the sides of their monarch. Jaime saw how Clegane had bristled when he had approached Sansa. It also appeared from the size of Sansa’s rounded middle that Sandor Clegane was much more than just her Sworn Shield. Jaime was glad for them. They both deserved a happy ending. He hoped that he could find the same happiness with Brienne. He wished them well.

“Please, Your Grace. Anything you could tell me about where she might be, would be of such great help.” Jaime beseeched her with pained eyes.

“I will not betray her confidence. I cannot tell you why Ser Brienne left King Landings.” Sansa continued, resting her hand on her expanding waistline. “You did serve Winterfell and the North well in the Battle with the Dead, and for that I will always be grateful.” His plea touched her. It was obvious that Jaime loved Brienne very much. She wanted to somehow help Brienne find the same loving happiness she had finally found with her Sworn Shield and husband, Sandor.

Jaime lowered his head in reverence at her praise.

“All I can tell you is that family business called her home to Tarth.” Sansa reported, hoping her hint would be taken.

Jaime raised his head, his eyes shining with understanding. “Thank you, thank you, Your Grace.” Jaime smiled, relieved. At least now he knew where Brienne was.  
—————————————————-  
Jaime tried his best to ride up to Evenfall as a triumphant warrior, there to claim his prize. The way he proudly set his horse, his upturned jaw, and tall posture although painful gave every inch the appearance of the conquering hero. He wanted to be the man Brienne had fallen in love with. Perhaps if she was looking, Brienne would think him dashing and gallant. The way his pulse pounded in his ears, the dryness in his mouth, and the uncertainty in his heart made him feel more like a beaten wreck come to beg for his life. Who was he trying to fool, really? Brienne would see through his arrogant posturing in a heartbeat. He steeled himself for her pained anger at best, and her cold indifference at worst.

Jaime crossed the drawbridge and drew his mount up facing the portcullis. A group of armed squires assembled on the other side of the barrier as he approached. He did not give them time to ask his business, but immediately took charge.

“I have come to speak with Ser Brienne of Tarth.” He announced authoritatively, proudly using the title he had given her.

Jaime did not say his name, but the flash of gold where his hand should have been told the guards who he was instantly. The young men’s eyes grew wide, shocked to see the warrior they believed dead. One of them signaled above to open the gate. As the portcullis ascended, Jaime strode into the courtyard at Evenfall like he owned the place. He would at least appear a Lannister lion, even if he did not feel like one.

He was shown to the Great Hall, and bid to wait as the servants disappeared up the steps that formed one wall. He grasped his metal hand tightly behind his back with his good one as he paced. It was a failing attempt to control the trembling that threatened to overtake him. He silently readied himself for the moment Brienne would appear at the top of the steps. It seemed an eternity before he heard footsteps above him. Catching his breath he looked up. The person who glanced down at him was not who he had hoped.

Lord Selwyn Tarth stood on his perch and eyed Jaime Lannister as if he were dirt on the bottom of his shoe. “So, the Kingslayer.” Lord Selwyn spat in disgust. “Back from the dead.”

Jaime could feel the contempt in his voice. The old man was obviously aware of what had transpired between himself and Lord Selwyn’s only living daughter. Ever mindful of even feigned courtesies, Jamie bowed.

“Yes, My Lord.” Jaime confirmed dryly. “I have been healed.”

Lord Selwyn slowly descended the staircase to meet Jaime where he stood. It was then that Jaime noticed how gaunt and drawn was the face of the The Evenstar. The master of Evenfall looked like a scared old man, hiding behind his blustering. Something was troubling him greatly. Lord Selwyn appeared as though he had not slept. Yes, he was exhausted. He also looked annoyed at Jaime’s intrusion. His brow was creased with deep lines. Lord Selwyn was gravely worried about something.

“You should have stayed dead.” Lord Selwyn declared, hatred seething behind his eyes.

Jaime desperation got the better of his plans, and he revealed his mission sooner than he had expected. “Please, My Lord.” Jaime, a man who was unused to begging, begged. “I know I have no right to dream she would see me, but I must speak with Brienne.” He beseeched.

Lord Selwyn could hold his wrath no longer. “You are the last person she needs to see right now.” He bellowed.

Before Jaime could implore his reluctant host again, a guttural pain filled scream echoed from the passageways above them. It was muffled as if it came from behind some door somewhere, but Jaime recognized in it the lilt of Brienne’s tone. He was suddenly frantic.

“That was Brienne!” His eyes searched Selwyn’s face for explanation. “What is wrong with her?” He cried, his eyes wild with panic for his love.

Lord Selwyn refused to answer and turned to leave Jaime standing there. The old knight was halfway up the stairs before a shocked Jaime could move again. Once reality hit him hard, Jaime raced up the stairs on Selwyn’s heels. Clutching at his arm, Jaime tried to spin Selwyn around to face him. The man’s momentum could not be stopped. That was when Jaime realized Selwyn too was racing in the direction of Brienne’s wail.

“Please.” Jaime tried again desperately. “Is she injured? Tell me why she is in such pain!” His words had not completely left his mouth when the air was filled with another wretched scream, this one more urgent than the last, coming from Brienne’s own mouth, somewhere above him. Selwyn quickened his pace, and Jaime followed, half out of his mind with worry.

Once they reached the second story, Selwyn turned left and all but sprinted down a long narrow corridor. Jaime kept the pace only inches behind. His mind could not fathom what was happening. He only knew he had to get to Brienne. Fear clutched his heart, and a thousand terrible things ran through his mind. He needed to be with her, to help her. The men’s progress was stopped by a scream so violent it threatened to shake the very walls that surrounded them. They stared ahead of them, neither could find breathe in their lungs. Before fear or worry could solidify in their thoughts, each froze at the sound they next heard...

The first angry cry of a newborn babe.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime’s search for Brienne has finally ended, and he hopes for a lifetime of happiness with the woman he loves. However, he finds her in the midst of the most important battle of her life, one from which she may not emerge.

Lord Selwyn was the first to reach the door through which Brienne’s cries had come. Jaime followed nearly knocking the older man out of the way. Reaching for the latch, Selwyn was suddenly shaken out of his intensity when the door opened and a small, shy chambermaid stepped through on a mission to find him. The girl looked shocked as her stride met the wall of his chest.

“Forgive, My Lord.” The maid gasped, jumping backward and peering up at him.

Selwyn ignored her apology. “My daughter?” He questioned, his voice echoing down the corridor. “Her child?” He begged. The girl stared at him.

Jaime could scarcely breath. The world was closing in around him. This had been why Brienne had left the Kingsguard, why Sansa could not tell him all had asked of her. Brienne must have begged her to secrecy. This was why Brienne had disappeared, and what her life had held all the time he was fighting for his own. She had been carrying his baby. The thought of her facing that time alone made Jaime hate himself worse than he had before. His shame consumed him. He had left her that night at Winterfell, neither of them knowing that their babe already burgeoned in her belly. He had left Brienne and their child alone, and made her think it was for Cersei, and hers. Surely Brienne hated him now. Surely she would not want him to be a part of either of their lives.

Jaime’s attentions were brought back from his self loathing by the servant girl’s meek solemn voice. “The babe is healthy and well.” She reported. “Lady Brienne has birthed a fine boy.”

Both Lord Selwyn and Jaime were heartened by the news. Jaime’s pride swelled at the thought a precious son bore to him by the woman he loved. Visions of a lifetime of love and happiness swirled in Jaime’s mind, but he had no time to dwell on any joy. Fear gripped him when he noticed how apprehensive the girl was to continue her report, and that she had not mentioned Brienne. The girl’s silence and downcast eyes terrified him, as well as Lord Selwyn.

“And the Lady Brienne?” Jaime urged, her screams still echoing in his ears. “What of her?” He begged.

The young chambermaid all but ignored Jaime and addressed her master, Selwyn. She could not bare to look at him as she voiced the news. “Ser.” She paused searching for the words. “It...it was a very difficult birth. My Lady Brienne fought so hard to bring her babe into the world. Harder than any woman I have ever seen.” The young maid blushed with the information she was relaying to the men. “Her strength is almost gone.” As if the act of speaking was too powerful for her, the girl began to cry. “Lady Brienne has lost a great deal of blood. The Maester cannot get the bleeding stopped. He sent me to fetch you....” Her voice faltered at her final thought, “so that you might spend these las...these moments with her.”

Lord Selwyn’s eyes grew wide and horrified. Beside him, Jaime mirrored the same dread. Together they burst through the doorway that kept them from Brienne. Neither was prepared for the scene that met them.

Brienne still lay in the birthing chair positioned in the center of the room. The shift she wore was pulled across her hips, exposing her up-bent knees and blood smeared thighs. Dark red blood had trickled down one leg of the chair and pooled on the floor. Evenfall’s Maester stood between her legs, working furiously to stem the crimson flow that threatened to drain the life from her. Several chambermaids worked a short distance across the room to clean the squalling infant Brienne had just delivered.

Jaime crossed gravely to center of the the room behind Selwyn. His heart wrenched as he neared the woman for whom he had yearned so long. All color had seeped from Brienne’s flesh. She had lost so much blood, there appeared barely any left in her veins. Her lips, too weak to tremble, were blue. She seemed a ghost. Her breath came in shallow waves, and Jaime had to stare at her chest to make sure it rose again each time her tired lungs expelled air. Her eyes stared weakly at the ceiling. Jaime realized she did not see him.

Selwyn took Brienne’s hand and stroked her sweat soaked hair. For a moment she became aware of his presence. A faint smile crossed her lips as she forced a weak whisper. “Father.” She said in a small choked voice. Tears began to stream from the corner of her eyes, falling across her temples and into her hair. “I have given you an heir.” With a heavy, weary sigh, she trailed off unable to continue.

The valient knight crumbled at the thought of losing his beloved daughter. “And a fine one he is.” Selwyn comforted, bending over Brienne. “A man could ask for none better.” He kissed her weary brow, and sobbed as he held her face to his. “My precious daughter.” He whispered.

The sound of her newborn’s cry drew Brienne’s attention from Selwyn’s embrace. Her head turned slightly in the direction of her son’s whimper. She weakly stretched out her arm for the child and began to cry. “Oh.” She murmured. “My baby.” Her eyes grew distant and she struggled for breathe through her tears. “I wish...” Brienne gasped, “...his father...”

Jaime could wait no longer, he pressed past Selwyn and took Brienne’s hand in his own. Bringing her fingers to his lips he kissed her ice cold skin. Her eyes finally focused as she became aware of his presence. She brought her free hand up softly, and caressed his cheek, exhaling as if she had not drawn breath since he had left her.

“Oh.” She whispered. “You are here.” Her warm smile gave him hope. “You have come for me.” She nodded. “I have died.” In her confused dream state Brienne was certain Jaime’s ghost had chosen her. Even her delirious mind was astounded at the irony, that she should die in childbirth and not in battle.

Jaime smiled and shook his head. Tears splashed from his eyes, over her fingers, and onto her neck. “No.” He faltered. “I am very much alive, and so are you.” He needed her to believe. He needed her to fight.

The Maester who had been frantically trying to stop Brienne’s bleeding stepped back from her and addressed Lord Selwyn. “I have done everything I can. It is up to her now.” He announced.

Suddenly, Jaime realized the thing that would make her fight for her life. He raised his head to the women in the corner. “Bring me the child!” He ordered.

The maids stood questioning, staring at their master, Lord Selwyn. They did not know the man who demanded Lady Brienne’s baby.

Jaime spewed desperate anger as he shouted his command again. “Bring me my son!” He screamed, shaking with impatience.

The women jumped in surprise and fear. The eldest one scooped up the still naked child in a small quilt and quickly brought him to his father. Jaime cradled the baby in his arms, and felt his hard heart burst. He caught his breath at the sheer joy that ran through him. Jaime had seen his own flesh and blood brought into the world three times before, but never like this. He had always been an outsider. Father was a title that he could never openly wear. Now, he could walk through the streets and shout that this precious child was his son, gifted to him by the women he loved more than anything he had ever known. His love and pride consumed him as he beheld the child that was half her being as well as his. His beaming eyes looked up to behold the baby’s mother.

“He’s perfect.” Jaime smiled at Brienne. If she held any hatred or anger for his having left her, she did not show it as she watched him holding their child through frail eyes.

He quickly moved the babe to his golden handed arm, and with quivering fingers Jaime reached down and loosened the ties at the neck of Brienne’s shift, pulling the fabric aside to reveal her bareness beneath. He carefully turned the babe and laid him on his mother’s chest so she could feel his breath. Brienne sensed his heartbeat as it moved in time with hers. She drew in a weak sigh, and smiled at the first touch of her baby. She cast her eyes down to behold the only sight of him she believed she would ever have. Crying, Brienne brought her shaking hands around her infant. For a long moment she held the boy to her, losing herself in motherhood.

Finally, she brought her gaze to Jaime and regarded him lovingly. “He needs you.” She declared, begging him with eyes that believed she was dying.

Jaime nodded his head. “He needs you, too.” He wept. He would not let her give up that easily.

Brienne watched him with regret. She felt the last of her strength failing her. She had not even the fortitude to tell Jaime that she loved him. He watched her dwindling life force faltering before his eyes, and was powerless to help her. “Brienne!” He shouted trying to will the fight back into her. All she could manage was to exhale a long exhausted breath as her eyes which never left Jaime’s fell shut.

“Brienne!” She heard Jaime scream before all went black.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime is desperate to prove his love, and win back Brienne.

It was days before Brienne regained consciousness. Jaime never left her side. He made certain their child never left her either. When the babe was not in his arms as he kept his watchful vigil, he laid the boy on Brienne's chest hoping the skin contact would pull her from her silent battle. When the child grew fitful, Jaime cradled Brienne's limp body in his arms and held their baby to her breast so she could nurse him. He watched his son grow stronger by the day, and knew that somewhere behind her closed sunken eyes his child's mother was fighting with the same strength.

Lord Selwyn also kept watch over his daughter, and made no attempt veil the hatred he felt for Jaime Lannister. The elder knight sat by Brienne's bedside clutching her hand in his and speaking softly into her ear, retelling happy stories that warmed his heart from her childhood. He reassured her of the wonderful mother she would be to her son, and begged her to open her eyes. Although, every part of Selwyn wanted nothing more than to throw Jaime Lannister out of Evenfall and forbid him from ever returning, he understood that just as Brienne was his child, the babe she had given birth to was Jaime's. Selwyn could not argue that Jaime had every right to be there. Besides, it was apparent to him by how his daughter had spoken of the Lannister heir, how sad she had been during her time at home, and how careful she was to safeguard the child she carried, that Jaime's love for her was returned in kind.

On the fifth day after delivering her son, Brienne finally returned to them. Still far too weak to move, she lay staring at Jaime as he sat by her bedside holding their baby. Her first focus was her child. As her mind began to swim out of the depth in which it had rested, her infant was the first thought that broke through the darkness. She awoke in confusion, unsure for a moment where she was and desperate for her baby. Brienne's mind swam with the foggy memory of the birth. She remembered the pain and fear when it became clear to her that she was probably going to die bringing Jaime's child into the world.

Jaime. He had been there. She had seen him. They had spoken. She had been so certain that he had been a ghost come to take her with him to their heaven. Then she realized that he was alive. He had been living the entire time she spent alone and pregnant with his child. She could not understand what it all meant. As her lids fluttered open, and her mind began to comprehend that she was in fact still alive, she saw him. Jaime sat beside her, holding their newborn. He was smiling at their son, talking to him. He was happy with the child. For a moment she lost herself in the pure bliss of watching them. He appeared the epitome of the joyful new father.

Then Brienne remembered other things. She recalled the time they spent together at Winterfell. The love that had created their son. She relived his touch, and the passion they had shared. Unbidden, her thoughts went to waking alone in an empty bed. To finding him saddling his horse in the courtyard. She begged him to stay, to believe that he was more than just a monster created by his sister, Cersei. The thought chilled her. She again, watched him riding away into the darkness. She felt the bitter, bewildered anguish of watching him leave. He had left her. He had left her for Cersei. She could not find words to speak. She could only stare at him. Her expression asking a million questions he could not answer.

At first, Jaime did not see Brienne open her weary eye. So lost in caring for their babe, he had not been aware that she lay regarding him cautiously. The baby seemed to calm whenever Jaime held him. The only time the boy was more content was when he rested on Brienne's skin. The man who had been known as The Kingslayer found that with this child it was easy to take up the role of father. With his other children, that part had been denied him. Now, he could revel in it. He smiled down at his child, and hoped Brienne would want him to stay with them. As the thought left his mind, he saw her watching him. He was overwhelmed with relief and love.

Jaime smiled in wonder at her. "Thank the gods. You've returned to us." He declared, reaching to take her hand in his. Brienne's fixed, emotionless expression as she studied him frightened and worried him, but he continued. "We've been waiting for you." He told her softly, as he stole his gaze from her, to their babe, and back again. 

He rose from the stool beside her bed and bent over Brienne. Softly and carefully, Jaime laid their son in Brienne's arms. Tears brimmed in his eyes as he nestled the boy against her. Brienne felt a rush of love and joy overtake her soul as she held the babe she had bore. She had never loved a living soul as much as she adored her infant. Her tears matched Jaime's as they sat admiring the being they had created. Yet still, she said nothing to him.  
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The moments they spent together followed in much the same pattern of silence as Jaime oversaw Brienne's recovery. She regained her strength day by day, and was overjoyed to begin at last to care for her child. While she still did not yet possess the energy she had before, Jaime was tireless in his efforts to see that her fortitude returned. He cared for their child, and for her every need. He slept on a pallet in Brienne's chamber to be near her and the baby. He spooned warm broth to her lips to keep up her strength when she had first awakened. She did not protest. He laid the babe in her arms so she could nurse him. Jaime ensured Brienne that she need not lift a finger unless she could, and wanted to. They had not spoken of their relationship, or any future they could have. They had not spoken at all. Brienne simply watched him. What she was imagining he hoped he did not know. Then, one morning it was Jaime who this time awoke to find her missing from her bed. Their child was gone from his cradle as well.

Fear seized Jaime's heart as he searched for them. Had she decided to take the boy and disappear from his life forever? He could not blame her, but prayed that it was not so as he raced down the corridors in search of her. Each servant he asked claimed they had not seen her, and it was all he could do not to scream her name.

Out of breath and out of places to look Jaime came upon a small terrace off the main second story hall. The covered gallery overlooked the ocean and was bathed by gentle breezes. It was there that Jaime found Brienne. She sat in her dressing gown under a thick blanket, relaxing on a cushioned lounge chair, cradling their infant in her arms.

Jaime slowed his pace, and walked gently toward her so he would not startle her with his approach. When he reached her, Brienne turned her head slightly to acknowledge his presence, and then quickly returned her attentions the baby. After a moment, Jaime lowered himself timidly onto the cushion of the chair beside her. They sat in silence for a long while, Jaime's heart breaking at the uncomfortable quiet that now hung between them. These two people who knew each other so well, and could once be so honest together, could now not even speak to each other. It was his fault. He was the one who had created that chasm.

Their child stirred in Brienne's arms, and she shifted him, exposing herself so he could nurse. Although Jaime had watched her feed their babe since the day the child had been born, had even aided her while she was too weak, he now felt bashful as if he should look away for modesty. Brienne settled her infant to her breast, and then stared past Jaime toward the calm sea.

"I should hate you." She said dryly at last. Her eyes never leaving the breaking waves in the distance. Her tone conveying nothing of whatever emotion she felt.

"Yes, you should." Jamie agreed, lowering his eyes.

"I should have my father forcibly remove you from Evenfall." She continued, gazing straight ahead. "I should denounce you, and swear that I will never see you again."

Jaime's heart was breaking. He knew she was right. What else should he have expected? He had no right to hope for anything from her. He sat gravely by her side, unable to speak.

Brienne paused for a moment, and then forged ahead. "I should." She breathed an almost defeated sigh, her eye lids closing for a moment. "But, I cannot."

Jaime raised his brow and looked up at her. Surely it was too much to hope that she would accept him, yet he did.

She began slowly, her pace an effort to stem the tears forming behind her eyes. "When you left that night, at Winterfell, I stood in the courtyard watching you diminish in the darkness and I prayed the ground would open and swallow me whole."

"Brienne." Jaime pleaded. He needed to tell her the real reason he had left her.

"Please." She continued. "Let me finish." Taking a deep breath, Brienne forced the honesty she needed to show him.

"I tried." Brienne spoke painfully, her breathe coming in gasps promising the sobs that threatened to turn her voice to a whisper. "I tried to put you away, in the back of my mind. To make you a distant memory." She looked loving at their babe as she moved him to her other side. "Then I discovered I was carrying your child, and I could not put you from my thoughts."

"I should have been there for you." Jaime lamented. His mind filled with all he had missed.

"You made your choice." She replied coldly. "And then you were gone, and he was all that mattered." Brienne told him watching her hungry son.

"Is that what you think?" Jaime asked closing his eyes in regret. "There was no choice to make. I had no choice." His tone became urgent trying to get her to understand.

"I see." Brienne lowered her eyes, misunderstanding Jaime's meaning. Had he never intended to stay with her? Had the love she thought they shared been just a lustful moment of weakness? "Is that supposed to make me feel better?" She questioned. Jaime was silent. "Then, why are you here?"

"I'm here because I love you. I always have." He pleaded.

"You love me?" She shot back vehemently. "You LEFT me!” The hurt in her voice was almost too much for him to bear.

Jaime had not wanted to distress Brienne with the horrors that had plagued his mind the night he lay watching her sleep at Winterfell, when he realized he had put her in grave danger. Seeing her now searching for answers, he knew he had to tell her the truth. "Alright. Yes, I made a choice." He shot back. "I chose you!" His words confused her, and she stared at him, her brow furrowed.

Jaime continued. "I chose that you should live, and be untouched by Cersei's evil insane vengeance. I chose to keep you safe. She would have found out about us." Jaime reached for Brienne's hand and held it tightly in his own. "If she had discovered how deeply I love you, or that we had been together, she would have killed you." His stomach turned to imagine what would have befallen Brienne at Cersei's hand. "I could not let that happen. So I returned to her." He admitted, his voice leaving his throat in painful gasps. "Brienne." He continued. "I left you that night, and went back to King's Landing not to be with Cersei." He paused, hoping his confession would not tarnish him anymore in Brienne's eyes. "I went back to kill her."

Jaime went on exposing himself with the painful truth. “My intention was always to return to you.” He swore. 

“Why did you not tell me?” Brienne whispered painfully. 

“Because I knew you would follow me, and try to stop me.” Jaime admitted. “I could not let you put yourself in danger for me.” He told her, his fingers reaching to stroke their child’s cheek softly. “A decision which now seems to have spared two lives.” He smiled, before returning to the explanation he needed Brienne to hear. 

“When I reached the Red Keep, Euron Greyjoy was waiting for me. We fought. I was wounded, gravely.” He confessed. He saw Brienne flinch and draw in her breath sharply at the thought. Jaime hoped her reaction meant that she was softening toward him, and continued. “I should be dead by the wound alone.” He admitted quietly. “I knew I would not be able to make it back to you.” His pained gaze met hers. He grasped Brienne’s hand. She did not pull away. 

"When I found Cersei, I had every intention of running her evil heart through with my blade." He faltered. "When I looked at her I only saw my frightened sister, nothing more, and I couldn't do it. I wanted to, but I couldn't, not by my own hand." He looked regretful, his eyes clouding with his apology. 

"Because I told you, you’re a good man." Brienne's tone warmed toward him. She touched his face gently, the wall of armor she had built around herself shattering. He lowered his eyes in shame.

Jaime went on recounting the events of that day. "I still could not let her live, to be a threat to you. I realized the only action I could take was to trick Cersei into following me into the depths of the Red Keep. I knew those battlements would not withstand the pounding from the dragonfire above, and that we would soon be trapped. I prayed the castle would collapse and bury us both." Brienne met his honesty with a rush of hot tears that she could no longer keep at bay.

Jaime peered intently at Brienne, begging her to understand. "So, I told Cersei whatever lie she wanted to hear. I made her follow me into the weakening foundation of The Keep, and prayed that you would be safe. Even as a I stood with her, my every thought was of you." Jaime stared at Brienne, losing himself in the depths of the blue eyes of which he had dreamed for so long. 

Brienne's face grew pained as she listened to Jaime. He took heart that she was still letting him speak, and bared his soul. "You understand what Cersei would have done to you if she found out you were pregnant, and that it was mine?" He asked, but did not wait for an answer. "She would have tortured you." He no longer tried to stop his angry tears from flowing as he moved to kneel in front of Brienne. His fingers moved to caress their son's tiny head. "She would have cut him from your belly, and tortured him too." His voice was nearly a whisper, describing the unimaginable. "And she would have made me watch." He sobbed. Tears ran down Brienne's cheeks, and her breath caught in her throat at Jaime's words. She instinctively looked down to check the infant now sleeping peacefully unaware in her arms, and held him closer.

"I had to leave you." Jaime insisted. "To protect you, and I would do it again if it meant keeping you safe...both of you." Jaime drew closer to Brienne and the baby. He peered up at Brienne, drained from his begging, speaking so earnestly that she had to look away.

"Leaving you that night was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Worse even than murdering my King.” He paused, shattered. “It was the greatest mistake of my life." He lamented. "I should have stayed with you. I should have told Cerse that I loved you, and she had no hold upon me any longer." Jamie's words were tinged with hatred at the demon who had taken so much of his life, and may have still cost him Brienne.

"I should have guarded you with my life and dared her to come after you." He said in hindsight, lowering his head at the image of Cersei harming Brienne. He tried to shake the thoughts from his brain.

Jaime brought his gaze up to meet Brienne's eyes once more, his face grief stricken. "I should have." He paused. "I couldn't. I could not take that chance."

"But you died." She began to weep, her resolve crumbling before Jaime's eyes. "I wanted to die, too." She admitted.

Jaime could no longer stand the distance between them. He drew himself up to sit beside her. Gently taking her face in his hand, he pressed his forehead against hers. "I would have died a thousand deaths, if it would have kept Cersei away from you." He swore. Jaime moved his lips closer to Brienne's face, aching to taste her. "She's gone now, and we can be together." Before the words left his mouth, Jaime hoped he was not asking for too much. "If you'll have me." He begged.

Brienne took a deep breath and looked at him softly. "You sacrificed yourself for me. For us." She acknowledged, amazed at the depths of his selflessness. He was so different from the Jaime Lannister she had first met, but now she chastised herself that she would think him capable of anything else. "You say you love me?" She asked, already sure of the answer.

"With all my heart." Jaime nodded.

Brienne looked deeply into his eyes. "I love you, too." She finally admitted.

Jaime felt as if the sun had finally risen after a million years of darkness. He had found Brienne, and she was well again after nearly dying in childbirth. Now, she was returning the love he could at last openly declare for her. His joy could not be contained. Jaime pressed his hungry lips to Brienne's and found them equally starved. Her trembling hand ran through his hair. Their kiss was passionate, and sweet, and pure. Their breath mingled as if it were the very oxygen on which they survived. Their tongues tasted each other in a glorious feast that promised so much more. They basked in the other's presence. Jaime had always thought that his twin had been his soulmate. He had been so wrong. It had been Brienne who was the second half of him, all along.

Their son awakened in Brienne's arms, sensing his parents' nearness. He cooed and squirmed in happiness. Breaking from their embrace, they smiled and laughed at their baby. Jamie took the boy from Brienne's arms with an expert's touch. She happily gave the child over to his father.

"Our child needs a name." Jaime peered down proudly at his infant son, tracing the boy's cheek with his finger. He smiled widely as his child stared up at him with Brienne's astonishing blue eyes.

Brienne smiled, her eyes wistful. "I thought we could perhaps honor my beloved brother, Galladon..." Brienne grinned shyly. "...and yours."

Jaime considered her suggestion. "Galladon Tyrion Lannister." He tested the name. "It's perfect." He nodded. "But there will be no living with my beloved brother and the swelled head he will develop from having a namesake."

Brienne laughed cheerfully. Then she paused, her gaze compassionate and grateful. Their babe had been born out of wedlock. Brienne knew that, legally, Jaime need not claim her son as his own, yet he was. He was announcing proudly to the entire world that this was his son. "It means so much that you want to give him your surname." Brienne smiled at Jaime with such love, it took his breath away.

"Of course I do. He is my son." Jaime seemed shocked she would think otherwise. He caressed Brienne’s cheek and stared into her eyes so deeply, she was certain he saw her very soul. "It is my hope that his mother will accept it as well." He gazed upon her with anticipation. "Marry me?" He pleaded breathlessly.

Gleefully, Brienne nodded, unable to find her voice. "Yes!" She choked through her happy sobs.

Jaime and Brienne held each other, and their son. Beaming like the rays of sunshine that danced on the sapphire sea, they turned their thoughts away from the past and toward the happy future they deserved. They tasted each other's lips once more. Their happiness tasted so sweet.


End file.
